Hank's Good Dream
by MagicTaleMan
Summary: Hank Hill has an interesting dream. This and the direct-sequel are as written for J-Man Reads.
1. Hank's Good Dream

" **Hank's Good Dream"**

It was an unusually late night when Hank Hill came home from work at Strickland Propane. It was at 10:30 PM and he was looking depressed. His wife Peggy asked "Hank, why are you depressed"? "Because I finally had to come home from work to some bitch ugly wife, I tell you hwat"! Hank toddled straight to bed 'cause he had a pelvic pain from humping the tanks all day. But before he went to sleep in his bed full of empty Alamo Beer cans, he overdosed on some meds to treat himself for "unspecified conditions", and laid his head down.

He eventually appeared in a dream world, where he meets his friends in the alley: Dale the schizophrenic paranoid redneck, who can't keep his cigarettes out of his mouth, Bill, who is a fat loner, and Boomhauer. No one knows what the hell he talks about ever so let's forget about him. Anyway, Hank puts on a fedora and gets out a sniper rifle and proceeds to shoot them. Hank jumps and turns 360 degrees and snipes them all with no-scope and yells, "OH BABY A TRIPLE"!

His son Bobby crawled over the fence and says "Damn dad, where'd you find this"? He points to the long bulging thing in Hank's jeans, to which he proceeds to unzip and proudly show to him. As it turns out, his dick was a propane tank and his balls were also tiny propane tanks. "Bobby, I'm gonna teach you the greatest lesson of your life" said Hank while he strokes his propane-tank dick. "Now pull down those shorts and bend over so I can fuck your ass".

Bobby complies with his dad's order and lets him shove it in there. Hank began to thrust repeatedly, and grew faster every time he pulled his dick back within Bobby's tight virgin asshole. They were both getting hot and sweaty so it was only natural for Hank and Bobby to take their shirts off and continue fucking from there. This whole charade only lasted about 15 seconds before Hank shouted "I'M CUMMING!" and Bobby immediately released his dad's propane-tank dick before it made a fiery propane explosion, causing damage and collapse of several houses around the block, but somehow leaving the two unharmed. After that, Hank's real dick appeared and ejaculated all over the alley.

"Dang it Dream!Bobby," said Hank, "you were supposed to let me cum in your ass and now look what you made me do to our alley, it's been splattered with daddy jizz! Go to your room son, you're grounded for a hundred years"! "Yes dad…" said Bobby as he is escorted away by the Babadook and is never seen again. Hank, still naked, sternly turns his back on him and spoke to himself, "That boy ain't right".

He walked outside of the alley where he spots his Laotian neighbor Kahn, wearing a pimp hat but taunting him as usual. He quips, "Me Laotian, me play joke, me put pee-pee in your Alamo!" and laughs at him. Hank decides he's had enough of Kahn so he grabs his sniper rifle from earlier and shoots him right in the forehead, killing him. He then decided to steal Kahn's clothes and pimp hat and bury his body with all of Hank's alley friends. Hank needs to clean up all the blood but he has no rags so he sucked all the blood through a straw. In real-time this would take about several hours, but in dream-time this went a lot faster for Hank.

The pimp hat that he wears now contained superpowers, so it made him a certified Mac daddy of Arlen. Hank chose several women to help him start his new pimping business: Dale's wife Nancy "Hicks" Gribble, Hank's own niece Luanne, Khan's prepubescent daughter Connie, Lois Griffin from Family Guy, and a statue made out of propane tanks. In the long shot, the propane statue would make the most money from prostitution with $7600, and this made Hank proud. "Propane lady", says Hank, "I love you". "I love you too Hank," answered the propane statue, "Wrap me around your big burger-grilling arms you stud." The two made out passionately with each other, and Hank gets his penis out again and places it in one of the "hands" of the statue.

All of a sudden his wife Peggy walks in and catches Hank making love with the statue. She screams as loud as a hundred whining cats and it scares Hank and the statue. Hank shoves the statue away and says "No Peggy, this isn't what it looks like!" Then Peggy transforms into a giant pterodactyl that spits out Boggle dice. Hank runs as fast as he can, and he uses his pimp hat as a shield against the raining dice. Then Hank runs into zombie Dale, who also became a Russian, along with Hank's other undead neighbors. Russian-zombie Dale says to Hank "propane fuel can't melt steel beams" and the others chant with him. Hank takes a turn to the right, and bumps into an elephant that proceeds to shit all over Hank. The smell of it overwhelms the trapped Hank, and shouts "BWAAAH" as he gets buried in it.

Hank wakes up from his nightmare in cold sweat and semen. His wife Peggy turns to him and tells him "it's okay dear; you were just having another bad wet dream." Hank screams again in terror as he shoots her in the face with a shotgun. His son Bobby rushes in wondering what's happened and Hank shoots him too. Hank realizes what he did and says to himself, "oh my god, I've killed my family"! Hank knows what to do in a situation like this; He stuffs Peggy and Bobby inside the trash can and packs his things to move down to Mexico. On his way out of the house, he encounters his pet dog Ladybird. Afraid of having any witnesses, Hank decides to use the gun on Ladybird as well. Hank can barely hold the gun as he's about to shoot his own dog. He has a tear in his eye as he cocks his shotgun, and says… "Goodbye, Ladybird."


	2. Hank's Other Good Dream

" **Hank's Other Good Dream"**

Where we last left Hank Hill, he killed his wife and son by accident as a result of a nightmare overreaction and then was about to shoot his pet dog Ladybird. He cocks his shotgun with a tear in his eye and says, "Goodbye, Ladybird." A bang is heard, but then Hank wakes up again. He's in his bed alongside his wife Peggy, and on his side of the bed he's covered in piss, semen, and blood. "Oh thank god, it was only a dream. …again" said Hank.

Hank decided to go to the kitchen and have himself a bowl of cereal. He pours the cereal into a bowl, and remembers he doesn't have milk. He decides to just masturbate into his cereal as a milk-substitute and enjoy it then. "Damn," said Hank, "it tastes like Jesus". He ate the whole bowl of cum cereal and drove off to Strickland Propane for work. On his way to work he saw his schizoid neighbor Dale Gribble standing in the middle of the road. "Dang-it Dale," shouted Hank as he honked the horn, "scooch your ass out of the way, I need to get to work today"!

Then Dale turned around to face Hank, and Hank realizes that Dale is in-fact a Russian zombie like the dream before. Hank screams "BWAAAH!" as Dale shouts "propane fuel can't melt steel beams, Hank!" and proceeds to run over Dale with his truck. With that incident, Hank wonders if he's still asleep and is actually in his dream world. But he shrugs it off and continues driving to work. He eventually made it to work without any more abnormalities happening and speaks to his boss, Buck Strickland.

"Hank," said the man, "I need you to look after this store while I'm gone on an _extended_ vacation". "Oh my god, really Mr. Strickland?" …"But why?" asked Hank. "Don't ask" replied Strickland just before driving off with some black hookers, 16 pounds of cocaine, and a drunk leprechaun. It took Hank a few minutes to realize that he's the manager and that means he can do whatever he wants at his job now. Hank seizes the opportunity to have sex with his male co-workers, and then have sex with the propane tanks, and then sell a couple of propane grills, but then have sex with the customers who will subsequently buy the grills. And yes, Hank went both ways with the customers.

The day turned out to be a huge freaking success for Strickland Propane, and Hank adds a 4:20 weed break as a celebration. Hank's Mexican co-worker Enrique brought some imported weed from way-down in Mexico and they and Joe Jack take turns blowing joints in Hank's office. They started asking questions about life, and Hank asks "do you guys ever think that we're not actually in real-life right now"? "How so?" asked Joe Jack. "Well, I still think I might be in my dream. 'Cause I saw Dale this morning, and"-

He was interrupted by Enrique who thought up a better question. "Hey Hank, Who do you think is the hottest"? "Well," said Hank, "I think Bobby's got a kinky fat ass". "Ain't that your boy, Hank?" asked Joe Jack, and Hank answered "Yea, and my son's ass is the chunkiest one of all, I'd tap it". After a small pause, Enrique replied "I'd tap that ass too Hank".

Just then, someone was knocking on the front door. The guys drew straws to see who would answer, and Hank pulled the shortest one. "Why do I always have the short one?" he pondered. Then he went to the door to tell them "sorry fucker store's closed", but then he noticed that it was the Russian zombie Dale again. Hank went to get the gun from under Strickland's desk and shot him in the dick. It stuns him, so Hank ran like hell. Hank figures out that he is still in a dream, and needs to wake up.

Hank would only get so far down the road before he sees that the road turned into a giant horse penis which cried a river of sperm. Hank takes the boat sitting next to the sperm waterfall and took it to Cheesy Genie Land. Wait did I just say that? No, I meant Hell. And Hank's niece Luanne is there in Nazi domination-gear whipping her deadbeat husband Lucky. She turns her head to Hank and shouts, "You're next, Uncle Hank"! "BWAAH!" yelled Hank, "this is not a good dream at all, and this is a goddamn nightmare! Put me out of this fucking misery please"! Luanne makes a menacing giggle and responds, "Sure Uncle Hank, I'll put you out of your misery".

Luanne snaps her fingers and Hank is now in a rack, gagged and naked with his large balls exposed. And she states, "Remember Uncle Hank, the safety words are: DALLAS COWBOYS SUCK"! Hank clearly takes offense to this and tries to talk: "Ymm snn afm bfft!" but then gets struck in the testicles with Luanne's spike-heel and starts bleeding all over the rack, and he starts screaming in agony. "I think I'm a little thirsty. Why don't I drink some milk from your tats?" said Luanne, as she proceeds to yank on Hank's nipples and squirts a white liquid from him. Hank feels simultaneously terrified and aroused by this at the same time.

Luanne asks, "Are you starting to enjoy this? Wait for it Uncle Hank, because the best part is coming" and then began wrapping her mouth around his dick, giving him a moist feeling all around it. Hank opens his eyes to find that she actually turned into a squid, and he starts screaming again. The squid-kid rips off what's left of Hank's genitalia and tears out his nipples with her tentacles. Out of nowhere, Bill's severed head falls on top of Hank's chest and Hank finally wakes up.

"Mother fucker," said Hank, "that has to be the most fucked up dream I ever had". "What's the matter Hank?" asked Bobby in lingerie lying next to Hank. Then Hank screamed and woke up again. This time he woke up from a wet-dream, as usual, so he knows he's up and awake this time. Then he heads down to the kitchen for some cereal and pours some into the bowl. He remembers that they ran out of milk so he decides to jerk-off into his cereal, but then sees that his penis turned into Boomhauer's head that says "hey man, don't you dang ol' touch your junk man I don't need to be looking at a middle aged old man spanking his monkey man…"

Hank would keep waking up from horrifying dreams repeatedly until he wakes up in a hospital, where the doctor says he's been in a drug-induced coma for over a while. Peggy and Bobby were standing next to Hank's bed, relieved that he finally woke up. "Y'know Peggy," said Hank, "there's nothing like a good dick in a little boy's fat ass. Hey Bobby, could you fix my morning wood"? And then Bobby said, "Sure thing dad."


End file.
